he had la-la-la-lots to do

so. i graduated from college.

and what, exactly, does this mean for me? i really don't know. this is something i still have yet to figure out. i know that i'm certainly happy about the fact that i'm completely free from all school-sorts of obligations for as long as i choose to be (most probably forever), but i don't really feel any of those emotions that i was sure i would feel (back when i was in school, suffering and looking forward to nothing more than graduating). maybe everyone's right - maybe it just hasn't "sunk in yet." i don't know though. i feel pretty indifferent ... even languid. i'm not complaining. like i said, i'm truly grateful to be done. it's just that i've gone from having things to do, having certain people nearby, having everything in its right place ... to nothing - disordered nothing. i'm living at home, i don't have a job, i have precious few dollars (so i can't really go out and do anything), all of my earthly possessions are in bags and boxes stuffed in my car and in various places in my parents' house ... and i'm just letting the days go by.

actually, that's not entirely true. i have in fact been making some productive efforts. today i spent the large majority of the day looking for and applying to jobs online - six in total. i feel that that's a pretty good day's work. they are all positions at companies located in the chicago area. because of intense negative feelings toward joyce-separation, i've targeted chicago as my most-desired-area-to-move-to. and actually, the more i look into it, the more appealing it becomes. it seems like a great area - lots to do, not terribly expensive (compared to other major metropolitan areas), lots of good bands play there. so i would be more than content to find a decent job in chicago.

i guess that's really all i have to say about graduation. finals went ... ok. some better than others i guess. in the end, i did manage to raise my cumulative GPA by 0.01 points. woohoo! the graduation ceremonies were pretty tedious. i'm glad that stuff's all over with. after commencement on saturday, my parents helped me with what cleaning and packing remained to be done in my apartment. this was quite a lot of work since my roommate totally screwed me by not helping AT ALL ... i could kill him. anyway, after that i drove to rochester for joyce's graduation party at her dad's house. this involved meeting a lot of new people, which is always awkward and never 100% enjoyable, but it was ok. sunday was better: joyce and i went to the Eastman House to see the ansel adams exhibit, which was absolutely incredible, and then we headed over to her sister holly's house to babysit, and that turned out to be a much more enjoyable time than i was expecting it to be. not that i don't enjoy babysitting ... it's just that i was really hoping to spend the day with joyce since she was leaving to go apartment-browsing in chicago on monday and i really didn't think that i was going to get another chance to see her before she moved out there for the summer. but i had such a great time playing with her nephews. and plus, we got pizza and wings out of the deal. what more could i ask for, right? then after that was a difficult parting and a miserable miserable drive back to schenectady and now here i am, just waiting for things to happen.